Fundamentals of A Happy Marriage

Faith: The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple.

Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim's life. The frame of reference shared by the couple eases communication and sharing of values which is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith play an important role in the developing a loving relationship.

For example, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, that when a husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah WE ACTUALLY INCREASE OUR FAITH.

Forgiving: When the Prophet Muhammad asked his Companions ‘do you wish that Allah should forgive you' they said, of course O Prophet of Allah. He responded, ‘then forgive each other'. One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.

If we expect Allah to forgive us than we must learn to forgive.

Forget: When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.

Forbearance: Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul and reliance .We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life's difficult moments. As Allah states in Surah al-Asr: "Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to Sabr' (Quran, chapter 103).

Flexible: Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.

We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be them selves as long as it does not compromise their Deen (religion). Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.

Friendship: This aspect of marriage has three components.

First is to develop a friendship with our spouses.The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.

We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.

Unfortunately the only aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage which is highly inappropriate is the buddy scenario. Shariah (Islamic law) has placed the husband in a leadership role within a family. This requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals.

This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Further more the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.

Friendly: Second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince, one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept, that our spouses will not overnight fall in love with our parents just because we want them to. As long as they maintain friendly relations that are cordial and based on mutual respect we should not force the issue.

Friends: The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. It is okay to have individual friends of the same gender but couples must also make effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage. Prophet Muhammad advised us to choose God fearing people as friends since we tend to follow their way. Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.

Fun: Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching clean funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.

Faithful: It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims.

The most common form is maintaining friendships with the opposite sex over the boundaries set by Islam, and the misgivings of the spouse. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic Adab (etiquette) and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in, repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences. This is a trust issue and one when compromised eats away at the heart of a marriage.

Fair: Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah states in the Quran do not be unjust under any circumstances, even if they be your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as "never" and "always" when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.

Finance: One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.

It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife's money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family

Family: Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage.

Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in the lifestyle. This can cause in some cases depression and in some resentment and misunderstandings. One golden rule that must always be the guide is; that family comes first.

Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss with open hearts and mind. Couples who have elderly parents have an added responsibility to take care of them. This can also be very stressful if the couple is not prepared.

A care plan must be worked out with respective siblings and parents as to who will be the primary care giver and what type of support network they will have. In case of mental incompetence a power of attorney must be in place. The making of a will is most essential .

Feelings: Prophet Muhammad stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first.

Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse's feelings, they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they invariably do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?

Freedom: Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one's property is alien to Islamic concept of husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western since is to be free to do as one pleases or to be selfish. On the contrary, to allow freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate of their needs and to recognize their limitations.

Flirtation: A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor in their marriages by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles.

Frank: Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders in the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other's inner self.

Facilitator: When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah. This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator for enhancing their partner's spiritual development. In essence, the couple facilitates their family's commitment to Allah and His Deen.

Flattering: Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse's heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being stingy about compliments is actually depriving oneself of being appreciated in return.

Fulfilling: To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one's all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold.

Fallible: It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah is perfect.

Fondness: So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by [failing] to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.

Future: Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

by Shahina Siddiqui

http://soundvision.com/Info/marriage/basicsofhappy.asp

When Life Is Too Good..

When life is too good.. jalan dakwah yg kita lalui tak ada masalah,semuanya lancar… kita kurang waspada. Maybe ada perkara2 yg halus yg kita terlupa, terleka… ujub misalnya. Dr. majdi says (in his book; Adakah Berhala Pada Diri Anda?), dalam kita dok bekerja bersungguh2 tu, dalam kita dok sedaya upaya menjadi yg terbaik, berkali2 Allah jatuhkan kita, bertubi2 kita dilemahkan.. ada sebabnya. Maybe ada penyakit dalam hati kita yg Allah nk sembuhkan…

Seorang pelajar yg diberikan anugerah pemahaman dan kekuatan hafalan oleh Allah bisa jatuh dalam penyakit ini, jika ia meyakini bahawa dalam dirinya ada kemampuan internal untuk memahami dan menghafal

Wanita yang pandai memasak juga bisa jatuh dalam penyakit seperti ini, jika ia meyakini kemampuannya untuk memasak makanan tersebut bila pun yg ia mahu..

Sama juga dengan guru yang meyakini kemampuannya untuk mengajarkan sesuatu pelajaran berdasarkan kemampuan dan pengalaman mengajarnya ang panjang..

Seorang daie yang memberikan nasihat kepada manusia, sehingga mereka terpengaruh dengan ceramahnya, juga bisa terjatuh dalam penyakit seperti ini..

Sama juga semua org yg menyangka bahawa dalam diri mereka ada kemampuan yang tidak di miliki oleh org lain, sebesar apapn kelebihan itu… maka dalam hatinya ada penyakit iaitu ujub

Jika anda megatakan, ‘tapi semua kelebihan itu mmg benar2 ada pada diri saya, dan sy tidak lihat ada org lain yg memiliki kelebihan yg sama..’

Itu mmg benar, dalam diri kita semua mmg ada sesuatu yg tidak terdapat dalam diri orglain. Tetapi semua itu milik siapa?

Allah berfirman, ‘Kepunyaan Allah lah kerajaan langit dan bumi, dan apa yg ada di dalamnya’ (al-kahfi:7)

some piece of my heart

Aku dan mereka… kehidupan ku dan mereka.. bagai langit dan bumi… bagai… entah apa perumpaan yg tepat untuk perbandingan ini. Jiwaku yang selama ini ku perhambakan pada dakwah dan tarbiyah… kini aku dgn dunia baru.. asing…. Dagang… tenaga ku diperah oleh system ini.. bagai mesin.. penat lelah tak berbayar dgn puas. Hati ini makin tandus dan pudar. Im ssooo tired.. so disappointed with the system. Well,, what can I expect… ianya ciptaan mausia. kata mereka, aku ini jumud. Aku ini bosan dan kaku… aku tak tahu berhibur dan berbicara umpama mereka.. riang jenaka dgn gelak tawa.. aku tak bisa seperti itu. Aku tidak tahu berjenaka. Kerana selama ini, aku dilatih untuk serius bekerja.. tiada ruang utk jenaka, tiada masa utk gosp dan senda tawa… aku tida tahu semua itu… aku tidak tahu yg mengumpat itu keseronokan buat mereka, bagi aku itu satu bara yg membakar jiwa… aku tidak tahu yg bersuka-suka itu kesenangan bg mereka, bagiku itu membunuh jiwa.. aku tidak tahu bercouple itu kemestian utk bahagia.. bagiku itu racun yg mematikan hati… dunia aku dan mereka amatlah berbeda… kita tidak menghirup uadar yg sama… aku tidak bisa hidup tnpa iman & islam.. itu oksigen buatku.. dan kini, dada ini sesak.. rehatnya trlalu lama… hentinya terlalu lama… bilakah aku akan bangun dan pergi dr semua ini??

UNESCO donuts

25 checklist questions..

Ramadan, as usual, has flown by. Despite planning beforehand, many of us may have gotten caught up in a routine after accustoming ourselves to the change in schedule the blessed month brings.

This may have affected our initial plans to increase our worship, contemplation and to seek Allah's Forgiveness and Mercy with greater fervor. But the last ten days and nights of Ramadan are still ahead for us to benefit from. Ask yourself these questions and see what you can do to make the most of what's left of Ramadan this year, Insha Allah.

1. Have I kept pace with the amount of Quran I wanted to read, or have I fallen behind?

2. If so, how much do I have to read on a daily basis the rest of Ramadan to catch up?

3. Have I tried to attend Tarawih regularly, or did I use weak excuses to get out of it?

4. Did I ever pray the night prayer?

5. Did I try praying my five daily prayers with more sincerity, concentration, and focus than usual?

6. Did I invite anyone over for Iftar (breaking the fast)?

7. Did I help any needy person, even a panhandler or beggar, when I was fasting?

8. Did I regularly seek Allah's Forgiveness and Mercy with sincerity, fear and hope?

9. Did I encourage my family to fast or participate in regular opportunities for more rewards that come with Ramadan (i.e. good deeds in general, but also Tarawih, more reading of the Quran, etc.).

10. Did I memorize any more Quran than what I knew before Ramadan started?

11. Did I try to be more patient in Ramadan than I normally am?

12. Did I try to control my anger, especially while fasting?

13. Did I try harder to avoid backbiting and slander?

14. Did I constantly check my intentions, to make sure that my good deeds were for the sake of Allah alone, not to impress others, gain their favor, or to show off?

15. Was there even an atom of pride in my heart?

16. Was I quieter and more contemplative?

17. Did I cry in my prayers?

18. Did I read more Islamic literature apart from the Quran?

19. Did I make sincere repentance to Allah, really feeling sorry for my sins?

20. Did I forgive those who hurt me?

21. Did I avoid hurting anyone with my attitude, words, intentions or actions?

22. Did I give any more Sadaqah (charity) than I normally give?

23. Did I share the message of Ramadan and Islam with a non-Muslim?

24. Did I share the message of Ramadan and Islam with a non-practicing Muslim family member or friend?

25. Did I feel annoyed at being hungry while fasting or did I rejoice?

Poem: I ask myself tonight

"Oh how swiftly, it's mid-Ramadan now
I sit here, wondering and thinking how,
Have I spent my first days of Ramadan fruitfully?
Or have I wasted the time unknowingly?"

[...]

Ramadhan comes, for a short month it's here
Will I ever meet the Ramadan next year?
Allah Oh Allah, help me guide my heart through
For only You know, if I've devoted enough to You."

May Allah strengthen our heart in the remaining days of Ramadhan to be able to answer yes to all the questions. Thank you. Assalamualaikum.

source: soundvision.com

Doa Penerang Hati

“Ya Allah, keluarkan aku dari kegelapan yang ragu-ragu, kurniai aku dengan sinaran kefahaman, bukakanlah bagiku pintu ilmu dan hiasilah aku dengan akhlak yang baik dan kasih sayang.
Ya Allah, sinarilah hatiku dengan cahaya hidayahMu seperti Engkau menyinari bumi dan langit dengan rahmatMu ya Allah yang Maha Pengasih dan Penyayang.

BioNik - Something About Protein

Aku tengah sediakan nota utk my students.. after 4 months, at last, aku dapat start mengajar and have my own students. So aku kene baca balik semua nota2 yang berkenaan since aku dah tinggalkan teks book for the last 4 month. Hm. Dpat gak la aku bayangkan betapa dasyatnya student aku berperang dgn kebosanan melampau utk hafal all the facts dalam text book tu. Semoga Allah mudahkan ilmu untuk mereka. Aku yang dah bacateks book tu berpuluh-puluh kali pun still rasa agak tertekan. But then, knp aku suka bio?

Masa kat skolah dulu, aku kenal bio as a subject full of facts, similar to subjek sejarah. Just hafal everything to score. Tak dapat dinafikan, mmg sekarang pn aku still give that advice to my students, HAFAL. Hafalan mmg penting dalam mana2 subjek pun. Tp yg bezanya, if ure memorizing sth you love rather than sth u have no idea of… that’s a big different. Biology is full of wonders.. full of things that will make you amazed, awed.. in some way, biology can be sth that makes u close to Allah, makes u realize Allah’s great blessings for us. U re only gonna think that way, when u really pay attention in what u learn. I mean, u cant simply appreciate sth if u don’t really know them. Rite? In a nutshell, PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS! DON’T SLEEP! L.O.L!!

Just kidding.

Here one simple bio story.

Proteins = biological machine; benda yg buat semua kerja dalam badan kita. Protein terlibat dalam semua proses dalam badan… membesar, melihat, bercakap, bergerak.. EVERYTHING! Salah satu cth ringkas, ialah utk bergerak

UTK bergerak, kita semua kene makan untuk dapat tenaga. dan our essential bahan asas utk tenaga ialah glucose (sth u find in nasi, ubi, roti…). This glucose (atau nama kampungnya, gula ringkas) contain lots of energy, ready to be converted and transferred to ATP (the molecule that carry and distribute energy to other parts of our body). ATP hantar energy ni ke merata-rata, ke otot, otak, tulang, jantung… supaya organ2 ni sume bleh berfungsi dgh baik. Too much eating nasi, all the excessive glucose will be converted into glycogen, sth that can be kept and used again when needed. The conversion is made by a biological machine called protein insulin.

Glycogen are kept in liver. When too much glycogen is kept in liver, sampai la tak muat nk simpan dah.. glycogen ni akan kena tukar jadi fat…(by another protein). Fat ni disimpan kat sejenis tisu namanya adipose tissue. Adipose tisu ni terletak kat byk tempat dalam badan.. kat perut, bwh kulit.. parts that makes u look fat (L.O.L).

So the thing is, insulin must convert excessive glucose into glycogen… if not, glucose terlalu banyak dalam badan, maka terjadilah suatu masalah yg kita panggil sbg PENYAKIT KENCING MANIS. (pening dah ke?)

How our body build this important INSULIN?

Protein is made by another bio-machine called ribosome. Ribosome will get information (mcm manual mesin la..) how to build specific protein. this information is taken from the headquater of cell, the NUCLEUS. NUclues keep all the codes (information) to build all types protein needed by the whole body.

This is the code yg perlu utk hasilkan 1 biji INSULIN.. badan kita hasilkan berjuta2 insulin. (the 2 double rows of alphabets)




Dalam badan kita ada more than 20 000 different types protein (salah satunya insulin). Some of them are bigger and some are smaller… imagine how long the code would be needed to build all these proteins?
You’ll need thousands of books to write those codes and put them on shelves mcm kat library… but Allah build all of the codes and compact them into our every tiny cell (which we can’t even see with our naked eyes?)

THE END of my lecture...
Goodluck everybody. Mina Gambatte!

“We have indeed created man in the best of molds. Then do We abase him (to be) the lowest of the low. Except such as believe and do righteous deeds: for they shall have a reward unfailing” (AT-Tin:4-6)